Recognizing the Vicious Cycle of Negative Interaction
There are no blank slates in relationships. Every interaction has history and the history associated with an interaction affects even our perception of the interaction. For example, if your relationship experiences a rough spot (which may happen for all sorts of reasons, often because of things that have nothing to do with the relationship itself), you are then more likely to experience an action the other person perceives as negative. The recent negative history can make every interaction feel more negative. This then leads to a vicious cycle as negative interactions lead to more negative interactions which lead to more negative reactions and so on.
I see this dynamic most often in couples and in the relationships between parents and teens, although it regularly happens with younger kids as well. Families will come to me and parents will say that it seems like their teen only has one way of responding: sarcastically defensive. Their teens will say that the parents only nag and tell them what they are doing wrong. Usually, there has been so much conflict around so many different things that it really feels that way to both the parents and the teen.
The good news is that you can break the cycle. It takes intentionally changing your responses and interactions. Sometimes it takes doing that for a long time without seeing much of a difference. Change is hard and it will take time for your partner or child to be able to experience your new approach as something positive.
If you are interested in learning more about this kind of pattern, consider researching topics such as the “EFT Negative Cycle” or “Gottman Negative Sentiment Override” and read some of the explanations on different sites. You are always welcome to schedule a counseling session and ask about ways to identify and change patterns in your relationships.